Oh Hai Cupcake

I haven’t written a tumblr post in a while. Lots of things have happened since my last post.

I’ve been working really hard to lose weight. I’ve lost 4 pounds. Although this week im discouraged because i haven’t been feeling all that great. But I’m relying on others to get back motivated. Today, I’m going to go hiking with Casey!! woo.

The new job is having its ups and downs. I’m still finding my niche. I’m being rapport with some of my kids. I almost teared up cuz one of my kids gets so excited to me. But the past 2 days I had some challenges with one girl throwing a fit and another kid yesterday spitting at me and hitting me. I’m ok tho. Then i love it cuz some kids are fun and my co-workers great.

I’m still saving for my car. Need a couple more paychecks!

I’m nostaligic today because a year ago..i finished classes at Sage and was preparing for my last days in Albany/Mechanicville. It’s funny how much I didnt like the 518 when i first moved because I missed everything known..then when i grew to love it, it was time to move on. I grew a lot up there. More than I have ever in my life. I was independent. Though many times I was so alone and so sad and missing things and people, I had the times of my life and met people who changed my life. Of course, like my situation moving to 518, I met someone I really wanted to start things with just as i was moving. I remember my life fell into place in the 518, then I moved. I remember i kept telling that person, myself, and others 7 month I’m back. Now almost a year later, I finished my fieldwork, passed my boards, and landed an awesome job here. Unfortunately the market for jobs in the 518 sucks especially in pediatrics. No longer do i have that time frame in my head. This is my life now. I’m nostalgic for the people the most. Even the people I don’t speak too anymore. I’m nostalgic for the times spent with my friends back home visiting like big day out at SPAC, Casey’s 21st birthday, and all the times with Jess. Times with the OT girls..Bombers, Bayou, Moreau Lake, Brown’s, Panchos, drinking with Emily at her place playing Apples to Apples. Getting into ROFLwagens was also an awesome experience and meeting such awesome drama free cool people unlike the scene down here. I miss my rail trail in Round Lake i would go running at. I miss being able to walk to go pick something up for lunch in Mechanicville.

I can’t believe it’s been a year and how far I’ve come and grew as a person. This is lame..but the 518 and Mechanicville are definitely a part of my heart. I really hope someday the right job opportunity presents itsself and I am able to return but for different reasons.

Happy hump day. I wish the next couple weeks will fly so i can get my new car :P I need a few more paychecks before hands! Rawr.
Gotta save that money :P

On the other side of things..im trying to change alot. It’s hard for me but we’ll see how it goes.

I haven’t written a real post in a while. So here it goes..

I’ve been working my new job a little over a month now! I love my co-workers, my boss, and the teachers i interact with. Everyone else i see/meet is super friendly and generally very positive. Although my job is challenging, I have some awesome kids I’m already drawn too. I have many ideas popping into my head that I never thought I had. I’ve taken on many responsibilities and projects and really worked hard these past 3 weeks. I wouldn’t change it to any other way. I finally started treating my individual OT sessions today and it’s a bit weird to not have a supervisor to check in with you. However, it felt good. I struggled a little bit with one classroom because they’re getting a new teacher and the aides are older and not very approachable. I didn’t know what to do when they had snack and I can’t just take the kid off and do something else..so i kinda just pushed in and stood there..but ehh. I’m sure once i get into my routine..I’ll feel more comfortable and confident.

The downside..HR is bullshitting me around. The end of the week before last, my boss emails me and tells me someone from HR left him a message saying suddenly im supposed to do 8 1/2 hr days and I am not on the school schedule. This obviously upset me because they keep flip flopping things. They originally told me I’m a 35 hr a week employee..then 40..then this 8 1/2 hr days and no school schedule. It’s been a nightmare. It’s been stressing me out. I guess this week my boss pressed HR to really sit down and review things. They might decrease my salary..which..makes me nervous because how much can they decrease it? I’m worried it’s some huge decrease or even a decrease at all. I hope things all work out..I honestly learned my lesson when HR offers you a job on the phone, you get it writing because it’s coming back to haunt me now :(

I interviewed at a hospital for a per diem job and was offered that. I hope to start that soon for more MONEY. I’m waiting on the HR dept. from there too. God, I hate HR. Bunch of morons no matter where you go.

So the next thing..i really need to vent and if anyone has opinions on this situation I’d love to hear them. So i have this friend, I’ve known him for many years but more as an acquaintance. Recently, we began hanging out on a regular basis. I introduced him one night to some of my friends. Because of this person, I found out what i considered one of my best friends lied to me. It was regarding something silly, but nonetheless lied to me and it hurt my feelings. I haven’t even confronted this person yet, it’s kinda old news at this point. Anyway, 2 months ago this friend found out I didn’t like a particular person. When i don’t like someone, it’s usually for the following reasons.. a) their attitude towards me or others i’m close too b) something they’ve done specifically or c) a gut feeling. Sometimes it’s a mix of all these. However, I like to keep these reasons or feelings to myself unless I feel like it could help one of my friends..then we have it out. However, in this case..i found it entirely beneficial to keep it to myself. Now, this ties into Defrost which I was going to talk about later on..So this friend asks me to go to Defrost..i was always contemplative on going cuz my car depresses me. I ended up accepting the invitation to go. A couple days before the show, the friend asks why i don’t like the aforementioned person, would i get crazy if they hung out, and would it be awkward for them to go with us to Defrost. I honestly thought this friend would respect my wishes and understand that if i don’t like someone I’m not going to surround myself with them(without me saying it). It’s also respectful from me not to put myself in that shitty of a situation to make MY FRIEND unhappy because I obviously wouldn’t be me and even worse come off as this nasty bitch. The conversation that day went in a cycle where neither of us obviously got what we wanted. Then the next following days, he pretends everything is okay (must be a guy thing ). I then see a check in to a place on fb today, so i know they hung out. It honestly bothers me still. I thought it was just the conversation and the invitation to Defrost that upset me because of the amount of disrespect..but it’s not. I’m not in control of this situation and I won’t ever be. I’m tempted to walk away from this friend but in my head..i don’t know. It’s not going to feel better. I will never like this person and I will never like this friend hanging out with the other. I thought he had my back, i trusted him, i respected him, and this is what happens. He becomes friends with a girl i can’t stand. I wouldn’t be surprised if he dates this chick, but that could bring on an entirely separate. I just don’t know what to do, and i definitely feel like my feelings have not been respected.

Positive note..Defrost was a blast with Casey. I went in with the attitude that said screw the other friend, I’m going to go and have a great time. That i did. The cruise was decent. The show was amazing, so many nice cars and a variety from old aircooled to new cars. Casey and I ran into so many people we knew and had great conversations. We also both reconnected with people that before have caused drama but things are now resolved. I got to walk on the beach and like a dork, collect seashells. All in all a great day. We ended up at Ihop after too :)

My subject I wrote for this post is my current fb status. I really feel this today. People with disabilities don’t treat you like normal people. People with disabilities don’t intend or know better to disrespect your feelings or hurt you like normal people. They can surprise you from day to day and remind you of the small achievements and baby steps in life. Even more so, they remind me of the kind of the person I am and will be. I’ve been really emotional the past few days dealing with all the stress from HR, bs from friends, and just attitude and life shit. They really remind myself of how far I’ve come and the heart I have in me to love and to care for the people in my life. I don’t know if it’s the emotions or not..but lately I’ve been thinking more and more about having a family and all that jazz. I’m starting to realize that the people who have hurt me in the past have not made me stronger, but the people still in my life that inspire me, encourage me, and love me are in addition to myself have made a strong person.

This paragraph above was definitely a rambling emo post ^

Oh well..

that is all for now <3